President Bush, you are a douchebag.

So I'm sitting here browsing CNN.com and the headline is "Marines injured by insurgents' bombs". A novel enough concept I guess, considering 'major combat' ended months ago. But this headline refreshed my memory of something else I've heard in the past couple of days, that the military is now shifting it's focus to IED protection for our troops...

Wait a second...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

After 2,000+ troops have been killed, we've now decided to focus on IEDs? This is one of the most absurd things I've ever heard? What happened to an army of one? what happened to the $540B we've spent on national defense? What is happening to our country? I've also recently read that pres. Bush is criticizing the critics of the Iraqi War, saying that they're "distorting" the events leading to the war? Take a look at your fucking war Mr. President...What the fuck are you even talking about? Instead of wasting your time on naysayers and historians why don't you look at the CURRENT problems that are facing your troops. I mean, that is if this war is so intrigal to the 'fight against global terrorism'. We've all known IEDs have caused a majority of troop causulties for the past year and a half, and yet we're JUST now reacting?

dude, what the fuck are you doing? Here's my proposal Mr. President....Get your shit together and RUN THE FUCKING COUNTRY. Stop getting into petty fights with your critics, seriously, you're acting like a four year old. Proving to these critics that they really are 'distorting' truth is not going to increase your 32% approval rating. Do you know what might? Developing and performing to a clear, concise, results oriented exit strategy. And you may want to try and see to it that the iraq is less fucked up than when we gor in there. It's not like we're picking up a car from AVIS or something, douchebag, Iraq isn't a loaner we'll be rid of in 8 years. You made our bed, now sleep in it.

Today I started reading a book by David Rakoff (a self proclaimed homosexual canadian). In his first chapter he explained how President Bush inspired him to apply for US citizenship (I applaud you Mr. Bush). So here's the story. David has been writing for the New York Times Magazine, Vogue, GQ, etc for many years, all the while living in New York. For years he has abstained on applying for citizenship until Mr Bush become president. Why apply now? What was Mr Bush's catalyst? Rakoff decided to apply for citizenship purely for the voting rights, so he could help vote bush out of office...Ahh, perfect. Of course, New York didn't need his help and we've all seen the results.

It's interesting when you bring matters of perception into view. You see, as an American disgusted by my country's decisions, I'm borderline temped to go live elsewhere. Fuck it, I hear China has a booming economy... So as much as i'm proud to be an american (and I am....want me to prove it? FUCK YOU FRANCE!...There.) and as much as i respect our country, Mr. President, please respect us back.

I'm sure this will fall on mute ears.

Patriot Act my balls up on your chin, Mr. Bush. Go fuck yourself.

That is all

Wanted to post the best picture ever- from a great trip. Oh, how the times will never be the same...



Most things seem to be falling apart, but to those falling together, I'm happy. You definitely deserve it t-o double.

and this is just me being vain- yes, lacking substance or worth...It's the only picture I've seen of myself that i actually like (ever!)

Don't Judge Me!

The Dalai Lama needs a Blackberry.

Not in the literal sense of an actual Blackberry unit, with email forwarding and like daily prayer postings, but more of a moderinization of ideology. The blackberry serves as our corporate analogy. My thoughts:

We must first address the principle of spiritual leaders/religion ect. Personally, I see a few key aspects or "core" elements of what the ultimate goal of a spiritual leader should be. One, to aide and consult on the teachings of said religion...to act as a shepard if you will. Two, to promote and facilitate the growth of said religion...to act as a disciple if you will. Three, to actively practice and ideal (or as close to ideal) model of the religion...to act as an icon if you will.

Now, there are many cases of religions/ideologies where the above three principles seem to be lost or not even be principles at all (and hey, if that works for you by all means, rejoice...) To often when approached by some new, recently modified, or ancient ideology I feel like I'm trying to be sold by a used car salesman. For examples, turn on the TV on any sunday morning, or realllly late at night, one's bound to be inundated with some "pastor" in an ugly suit trying to sell me religion. Turn on the news and hear a story about corruption, greed and sexual abuse in the catholic church. Watch some religious figure chastize women for seeking abortions, nationally publicized jihad, and the list goes on. Almost instantly i'm turned off of any organized corporate religion. Now I know I've given extreme examples, but there are many other instances of utter disbelief at what constitutes common religion that just drive me mad. We're starting to delve into my disconnect with relgion.

Oh, and there's that whole Immaculate Conception thing...and that thing called science and all that other stuff....but that's a whole 'nother rathole.

So...back to the Dalai Lama and his Blackberry:

I've picked up this gross habit of going to book stores and buying obscene quantities of books, more than I could even imagine to read in my life. A formidable task, I say, to try and whittle down the queue before I happen to find myself in another book store feeding the addiction. I've picked up some titles in hopes of trying to better understand this crazy thing called Buddhism, and Eastern religion as a whole. So far what I've seen, I really like. Instead of smiting me for my past actions, the Dalai always seems to give a proactive solution or gameplan to getting on the right path. As a general rule, it seems the Dalai seems to offer tips on living a better life, becoming a better person (as opposed to the spiteful asshole that I am) and lots of other good stuff.

But Dalai, I'm still having issues connecting to your ideology. I mean, I can't give up my material goods (at least not all of them), and surely my boss would fire me if i spent hours upon hours of my day meditating in my blue/grey cubicle. So I propose we do a little modernization and promotion of your ideology. Friedman often talks about how increasingly "flat" the world is becoming as a function of globalization. The static distance between Bejing and Ocotillo is still the same distance, but virtually the distance is immaterial (granted, I don't have meetings from 9-11pm) but immaterial none the less. Adapting my life to ancient thought is proving to be harder than expected. It'd certainly be easier to quit my job at the lays factory if say, i knew how to make my own clothes or hunt or dodge traffic on the 101...

To the point...I've been straying I know...To maximize the impact of any religion one must accomplish at least the principles listed at the top of the page--at least in my eyes. Dalai, instead of following an ideology that rejects thought without dilligence, how can we promote and integrate the very same ideology into our growing and continually more difficult lifestyles (not implying that this is the status quo for Buddhism, but you know, roll with me here). I am interested in Buddhism, and I've been reading about it and telling people I'm converting and stuff, but I sort of need you to come halfway on this one. To really do a job of promoting and influencing individuals on your ideology we're going to need a significant amount of flexibility and guidance here. So, fire up that blackberry, compose some mandates or something and lets get this ball rolling.

I'll write a book with you...we can call it something like "The Executive Buddhist" or something, I don't know, lets kick some ideas off each other.

Thoughts?

Also, i didn't spell check or read this for grammatical errors(and it shows)...so get off me.

I need a new drug....

The scent, the warmth, the gentle touch, the desire.

The scent. I’m ready for a new brand of shampoo. Turn your back to me but keep me close. I used to dream about this, now I pray my dreams won’t take me away. Leave me here next to you. The warmth. Feel the warmth on one side of my body, right or left, you choose. Take all the sheets I’ll conform to your contour. As it gets colder, we’ll get tighter. The gentle touch. Touch my head, play with my hair. Not trashy romance style, touch me because I’m here, touch me because there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. The desire. You don’t have to tell me anything, I can see it on your face. Let’s sleep in tomorrow, not because of sloth but because it’s unbearable to leave each other’s touch. I’m not afraid to be codependent, you shouldn’t be either. Trust me now, you can trust me always.

Self Assessment...

Self assessment time…no bullshit, I’m going to knock off the list and reflect on what I’ve been doing well and where I’ve been failing- no excuses, no weak justification. Send me to the gallows.

Fail: Oh yes. That’s a big, huge, Katrina, galaxy sized yes. From these failures I will learn, from those learnings I will fail. I can only hope to continue to develop as an individual, however vicious this cycle is. I can only hope you understand this and are willing to continue to grow with me.
Eat healthier: Strikes and gutters, I would say. There are good weeks and there are fat weeks, but overall I would say there has been significant improvement from the past. No more late-night Jack In the Box runs, quite a bit more bananas and yogurt and such. Strike one for me.

Read more: Initially it was a slow start. I’ve been so focused on being in a bad mood that I haven’t had time to read. I’ve recently gotten back into reading in a big way and polished off three or four books in the past week or so. Unfortunately, I think I’m addicted to buying books. Two times in as many weeks I’ve gone to the bookstore and picked up 3-4 new titles…it’s sickening I know…I guess I do have a lot of wall cabinets to place them all.

FiFA less: Miserable failure. It seems I need something else to fill the void that is my life, and low and behold, it’s FIFA! ’06 comes out soon, mothers, lock up your children.

Practice Yoga: I’ve failed in practicing in a structured place/time. I’ve incorporated a lot of what I’ve learned from the classes into my daily workout. Fantastic! Plus, it appears all the females in the class really had no interest in me, and too many of the males did. And so it was.

Focus: On what? Jesus this was a lame speaking point…I guess I’ve focused on ruining some friendships, destroying what was left of a relationship, all that cheery stuff.
In the meantime I’ve met some cool people and begun new friendships. From the ashes the phoenix rises. Maybe if I stopped talking about myself so much in blogs I would be able to maintain a friendship?

Pass less judgement: Neutral. I guess I really haven’t been in many situations that warrant passing, or not passing judgement.
Avoid routine…be spontaneous: Big win on this one. Thanks Chris and Todd for Mexico! I don’t even care that I didn’t take any pictures, the memories are perfect enough- my mind is still sharp enough that I can retain and relive the events and conversations. Minus the margarita night. Todd, stop dropping F bombs…

Listen...Have good conversations, don't talk: Big win on this one. My favorite conversation partner and I have been hanging out a lot lately. Its too bad my frustrations and joys seem to be focused on one particular topic. And if that topic happens to be reading this, I promise the conversations are never trash talk, they never even contain an ounce of it as mad as I get.

Bring em out: nuff said. I’m bringing em’ out everyday.

Be humble: Who knows? You tell me? In purely self-assessment terms, I would say that I’ve been very humbled by recent events. It seems that for the first time in my life everyone I’m engaged with is smarter than me. Maybe someday they’ll figure out I’m a fraud?

Smile: As much as I’d like to say no, I’ve smiled. Genuine, unforced smiles. I haven’t even been sad, I don’t know what I’ve even been complaining about…

Cry: Maybe little puppy tears. Unless it was laughter induced. For example, tonight’s ping pong game with Rick. For some reason that game just brings the absurdity of our problems to light. Plus I kick his ass.
Organize email at the end of every day: Big huge failure. I don’t even let it get to me. On Friday I dump the 1000 or so new emails into a “work week” folder, at the end of the year I imagine I’ll dump into a “year” folder.

Reflect: I’ve been reflecting on the poor (some good, I guess) decisions I’ve made in the past, so for that I get a big fat A+. I have, however, been repeating dumb decisions…I really don’t know what the deal is with that….I suppose I’m dealing with a lot of things for the first time (lets group individual incidents into a large group and call it a single event) hopefully all will be well.

Smoke less: Definitely. Only two cigars since like July (both yesterday, whoops!)

Minimize windows: Not a focus area. Don’t judge me!

Write: I’ve been writing a ton, but publishing none. Ask me nice and I’ll show you.
Publish: meh

Paint a picture: Fail. Fail. Fail. But I have been drawing, so that counts as half credit.

Show compassion: I think I’ve been showing wonderful restraint. And by that I mean compassion….

Build…not burn bridges: You, the readers tell me. Hopefully gold star on this one.

Management By Objective

In honor of "getting things done"

• Eat healthier
• Read More
• FiFA less
• Practice yoga
• focus
• pass less judgement
• avoid routine...be spontaneous
• Listen...Have good conversations, don't talk
• Bring em out
• be humble
• fail
• smile
• cry
• organize email at the end of every day
• reflect
• smoke less
• minimize windows
• write
• publish
• paint a picture
• show compassion
• build, not burn, bridges

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Angie is your soulmate.

You truly love Chris.

You consider Zack your true friend.

You know that Kim is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Katie for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Brandon is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Rachel is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Todd is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Todd changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Rick is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Rick has a hidden internet romance.

I think Rick's is my favorite. rut roh.