Incoherent Ramblings…

President Bush, you are a douchebag.

2005-11-12T00:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting here browsing CNN.com and the headline is "Marines injured by insurgents' bombs". A novel enough concept I guess, considering 'major combat' ended months ago. But this headline refreshed my memory of something else I've heard in the past couple of days, that the military is now shifting it's focus to IED protection for our troops...

Wait a second...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

After 2,000+ troops have been killed, we've now decided to focus on IEDs? This is one of the most absurd things I've ever heard? What happened to an army of one? what happened to the $540B we've spent on national defense? What is happening to our country? I've also recently read that pres. Bush is criticizing the critics of the Iraqi War, saying that they're "distorting" the events leading to the war? Take a look at your fucking war Mr. President...What the fuck are you even talking about? Instead of wasting your time on naysayers and historians why don't you look at the CURRENT problems that are facing your troops. I mean, that is if this war is so intrigal to the 'fight against global terrorism'. We've all known IEDs have caused a majority of troop causulties for the past year and a half, and yet we're JUST now reacting?

dude, what the fuck are you doing? Here's my proposal Mr. President....Get your shit together and RUN THE FUCKING COUNTRY. Stop getting into petty fights with your critics, seriously, you're acting like a four year old. Proving to these critics that they really are 'distorting' truth is not going to increase your 32% approval rating. Do you know what might? Developing and performing to a clear, concise, results oriented exit strategy. And you may want to try and see to it that the iraq is less fucked up than when we gor in there. It's not like we're picking up a car from AVIS or something, douchebag, Iraq isn't a loaner we'll be rid of in 8 years. You made our bed, now sleep in it.

Today I started reading a book by David Rakoff (a self proclaimed homosexual canadian). In his first chapter he explained how President Bush inspired him to apply for US citizenship (I applaud you Mr. Bush). So here's the story. David has been writing for the New York Times Magazine, Vogue, GQ, etc for many years, all the while living in New York. For years he has abstained on applying for citizenship until Mr Bush become president. Why apply now? What was Mr Bush's catalyst? Rakoff decided to apply for citizenship purely for the voting rights, so he could help vote bush out of office...Ahh, perfect. Of course, New York didn't need his help and we've all seen the results.

It's interesting when you bring matters of perception into view. You see, as an American disgusted by my country's decisions, I'm borderline temped to go live elsewhere. Fuck it, I hear China has a booming economy... So as much as i'm proud to be an american (and I am....want me to prove it? FUCK YOU FRANCE!...There.) and as much as i respect our country, Mr. President, please respect us back.

I'm sure this will fall on mute ears.

Patriot Act my balls up on your chin, Mr. Bush. Go fuck yourself.

That is all

2005-10-30T18:18:00.000-08:00

Wanted to post the best picture ever- from a great trip. Oh, how the times will never be the same...

Most things seem to be falling apart, but to those falling together, I'm happy. You definitely deserve it t-o double.

and this is just me being vain- yes, lacking substance or worth...It's the only picture I've seen of myself that i actually like (ever!)

Don't Judge Me!

2005-10-12T23:18:00.000-07:00

The Dalai Lama needs a Blackberry.

Not in the literal sense of an actual Blackberry unit, with email forwarding and like daily prayer postings, but more of a moderinization of ideology. The blackberry serves as our corporate analogy. My thoughts:

We must first address the principle of spiritual leaders/religion ect. Personally, I see a few key aspects or "core" elements of what the ultimate goal of a spiritual leader should be. One, to aide and consult on the teachings of said religion...to act as a shepard if you will. Two, to promote and facilitate the growth of said religion...to act as a disciple if you will. Three, to actively practice and ideal (or as close to ideal) model of the religion...to act as an icon if you will.

Now, there are many cases of religions/ideologies where the above three principles seem to be lost or not even be principles at all (and hey, if that works for you by all means, rejoice...) To often when approached by some new, recently modified, or ancient ideology I feel like I'm trying to be sold by a used car salesman. For examples, turn on the TV on any sunday morning, or realllly late at night, one's bound to be inundated with some "pastor" in an ugly suit trying to sell me religion. Turn on the news and hear a story about corruption, greed and sexual abuse in the catholic church. Watch some religious figure chastize women for seeking abortions, nationally publicized jihad, and the list goes on. Almost instantly i'm turned off of any organized corporate religion. Now I know I've given extreme examples, but there are many other instances of utter disbelief at what constitutes common religion that just drive me mad. We're starting to delve into my disconnect with relgion.

Oh, and there's that whole Immaculate Conception thing...and that thing called science and all that other stuff....but that's a whole 'nother rathole.

So...back to the Dalai Lama and his Blackberry:

I've picked up this gross habit of going to book stores and buying obscene quantities of books, more than I could even imagine to read in my life. A formidable task, I say, to try and whittle down the queue before I happen to find myself in another book store feeding the addiction. I've picked up some titles in hopes of trying to better understand this crazy thing called Buddhism, and Eastern religion as a whole. So far what I've seen, I really like. Instead of smiting me for my past actions, the Dalai always seems to give a proactive solution or gameplan to getting on the right path. As a general rule, it seems the Dalai seems to offer tips on living a better life, becoming a better person (as opposed to the spiteful asshole that I am) and lots of other good stuff.

But Dalai, I'm still having issues connecting to your ideology. I mean, I can't give up my material goods (at least not all of them), and surely my boss would fire me if i spent hours upon hours of my day meditating in my blue/grey cubicle. So I propose we do a little modernization and promotion of your ideology. Friedman often talks about how increasingly "flat" the world is becoming as a function of globalization. The static distance between Bejing and Ocotillo is still the same distance, but virtually the distance is immaterial (granted, I don't have meetings from 9-11pm) but immaterial none the less. Adapting my life to ancient thought is proving to be harder than expected. It'd certainly be easier to quit my job at the lays factory if say, i knew how to make my own clothes or hunt or dodge traffic on the 101...

To the point...I've been straying I know...To maximize the impact of any religion one must accomplish at least the principles listed at the top of the page--at least in my eyes. Dalai, instead of following an ideology that rejects thought without dilligence, how can we promote and integrate the very same ideology into our growing and continually more difficult lifestyles (not implying that this is the status quo for Buddhism, but you know, roll with me here). I am interested in Buddhism, and I've been reading about it and telling people I'm converting and stuff, but I sort of need you to come halfway on this one. To really do a job of promoting and influencing individuals on your ideology we're going to need a significant amount of flexibility and guidance here. So, fire up that blackberry, compose some mandates or something and lets get this ball rolling.

I'll write a book with you...we can call it something like "The Executive Buddhist" or something, I don't know, lets kick some ideas off each other.

Thoughts?

Also, i didn't spell check or read this for grammatical errors(and it shows)...so get off me.

I need a new drug....

2005-09-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

The scent, the warmth, the gentle touch, the desire.

The scent. I’m ready for a new brand of shampoo. Turn your back to me but keep me close. I used to dream about this, now I pray my dreams won’t take me away. Leave me here next to you. The warmth. Feel the warmth on one side of my body, right or left, you choose. Take all the sheets I’ll conform to your contour. As it gets colder, we’ll get tighter. The gentle touch. Touch my head, play with my hair. Not trashy romance style, touch me because I’m here, touch me because there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. The desire. You don’t have to tell me anything, I can see it on your face. Let’s sleep in tomorrow, not because of sloth but because it’s unbearable to leave each other’s touch. I’m not afraid to be codependent, you shouldn’t be either. Trust me now, you can trust me always.

Self Assessment...

2005-09-19T00:00:00.000-07:00

Self assessment time…no bullshit, I’m going to knock off the list and reflect on what I’ve been doing well and where I’ve been failing- no excuses, no weak justification. Send me to the gallows.

Fail: Oh yes. That’s a big, huge, Katrina, galaxy sized yes. From these failures I will learn, from those learnings I will fail. I can only hope to continue to develop as an individual, however vicious this cycle is. I can only hope you understand this and are willing to continue to grow with me.
Eat healthier: Strikes and gutters, I would say. There are good weeks and there are fat weeks, but overall I would say there has been significant improvement from the past. No more late-night Jack In the Box runs, quite a bit more bananas and yogurt and such. Strike one for me.

Read more: Initially it was a slow start. I’ve been so focused on being in a bad mood that I haven’t had time to read. I’ve recently gotten back into reading in a big way and polished off three or four books in the past week or so. Unfortunately, I think I’m addicted to buying books. Two times in as many weeks I’ve gone to the bookstore and picked up 3-4 new titles…it’s sickening I know…I guess I do have a lot of wall cabinets to place them all.

FiFA less: Miserable failure. It seems I need something else to fill the void that is my life, and low and behold, it’s FIFA! ’06 comes out soon, mothers, lock up your children.

Practice Yoga: I’ve failed in practicing in a structured place/time. I’ve incorporated a lot of what I’ve learned from the classes into my daily workout. Fantastic! Plus, it appears all the females in the class really had no interest in me, and too many of the males did. And so it was.

Focus: On what? Jesus this was a lame speaking point…I guess I’ve focused on ruining some friendships, destroying what was left of a relationship, all that cheery stuff.
In the meantime I’ve met some cool people and begun new friendships. From the ashes the phoenix rises. Maybe if I stopped talking about myself so much in blogs I would be able to maintain a friendship?

Pass less judgement: Neutral. I guess I really haven’t been in many situations that warrant passing, or not passing judgement.
Avoid routine…be spontaneous: Big win on this one. Thanks Chris and Todd for Mexico! I don’t even care that I didn’t take any pictures, the memories are perfect enough- my mind is still sharp enough that I can retain and relive the events and conversations. Minus the margarita night. Todd, stop dropping F bombs…

Listen...Have good conversations, don't talk: Big win on this one. My favorite conversation partner and I have been hanging out a lot lately. Its too bad my frustrations and joys seem to be focused on one particular topic. And if that topic happens to be reading this, I promise the conversations are never trash talk, they never even contain an ounce of it as mad as I get.

Bring em out: nuff said. I’m bringing em’ out everyday.

Be humble: Who knows? You tell me? In purely self-assessment terms, I would say that I’ve been very humbled by recent events. It seems that for the first time in my life everyone I’m engaged with is smarter than me. Maybe someday they’ll figure out I’m a fraud?

Smile: As much as I’d like to say no, I’ve smiled. Genuine, unforced smiles. I haven’t even been sad, I don’t know what I’ve even been complaining about…

Cry: Maybe little puppy tears. Unless it was laughter induced. For example, tonight’s ping pong game with Rick. For some reason that game just brings the absurdity of our problems to light. Plus I kick his ass.
Organize email at the end of every day: Big huge failure. I don’t even let it get to me. On Friday I dump the 1000 or so new emails into a “work week” folder, at the end of the year I imagine I’ll dump into a “year” folder.

Reflect: I’ve been reflecting on the poor (some good, I guess) decisions I’ve made in the past, so for that I get a big fat A+. I have, however, been repeating dumb decisions…I really don’t know what the deal is with that….I suppose I’m dealing with a lot of things for the first time (lets group individual incidents into a large group and call it a single event) hopefully all will be well.

Smoke less: Definitely. Only two cigars since like July (both yesterday, whoops!)

Minimize windows: Not a focus area. Don’t judge me!

Write: I’ve been writing a ton, but publishing none. Ask me nice and I’ll show you.
Publish: meh

Paint a picture: Fail. Fail. Fail. But I have been drawing, so that counts as half credit.

Show compassion: I think I’ve been showing wonderful restraint. And by that I mean compassion….

Build…not burn bridges: You, the readers tell me. Hopefully gold star on this one.

Management By Objective

2005-05-31T18:55:00.000-07:00

In honor of "getting things done"

Eat healthier
Read More
FiFA less
Practice yoga
focus
pass less judgement
avoid routine...be spontaneous
Listen...Have good conversations, don't talk
Bring em out
be humble
fail
smile
cry
organize email at the end of every day
reflect
smoke less
minimize windows
write
publish
paint a picture
show compassion
build, not burn, bridges

2005-05-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Angie is your soulmate.

You truly love Chris.

You consider Zack your true friend.

You know that Kim is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Katie for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Brandon is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Rachel is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Todd is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Todd changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Rick is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Rick has a hidden internet romance.

I think Rick's is my favorite. rut roh.

2005-05-19T14:19:00.000-07:00

I'm going to the river this weekend, who's coming with?

I'm white trash and I'll admit it. Underneath the twin Polo brand bright pink and blue "custom" fit popped-collared shirts is a red blooded american. I used to wear spurs and chaps and say "ya'll".

We're going to pack up ice chests full of cheap beer, sun tan lotion that we'll inevitably forget to put on, and various tobacco products. And then...then we'll just get baked out of our minds.

I'm looking for some fearless souls who want to join. Here's what you need:
-An open mind (who knows what we might see)
-A few bucks
-LOTS of cheap beer
-To call or comment or email or IM or stop by the pad

We don't need philosophical or pseudo-intellectual conversation...Leave that for the city-folk. Bring along your dick and fart jokes, your love for midget threesome sex or whatever...we won't discriminate.

So far I’m thinking Sunday- I believe Angie and her crew will be headed up there then. If we do this right we can all meet up at the beginning in some parking lot to discuss “action-plans” and then hit the road. Also, if we do this right, by the end we won’t be able to remember our named.

If you’re interested let me know. Hoot.

Is it hypocrisy, if one admits that one is a hypocrite?

2005-05-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

I’m back in the saddle again. I am going to continue to boast and brag and gloat and self promote.

For the past three months or so I’ve been sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I can imagine anyone reading this can attest to how much of a bitch I’ve been. I’m over it now, or at least progressively working toward it. The time immediately following graduation certainly was interesting- albeit boring.

Lately I’ve found myself with lots of time on my hands, but little or no one to spend that time with…It’s definitely been a few months of solitude. What did I do to make it better? Was it the things that I find emotionally fulfilling? No, of course not, I bitched and wept and did personal “post mortems” on why things were the way they were.

I would argue that periods of self-reflection are certainly very important in life; personal growth and development are factors that hinge greatly on it, but at some point you have to question how much value is being added…

So I’ve been sitting here spinning my tires, ‘figuring out’ myself back into problems. Oh what a paradox. I’ve decided I’m going to stop being the person that others want me to be. I’m going to rejuvenate my desirable character traits of burning bridges, ridiculing idiots, pointing out crimes against logic and generally being an ass.

Oops. Hope you didn’t like the “nice” me. You certainly didn’t show it by your actions. I hope that I’m not being headstrong here- maybe i’ve just been the same old me all along, and this is completely off base. Maybe you hated me all along, Objectivity is complicated when one is reflecting upon oneself.

Back to the point. Instead of spinning my wheels and figuring ‘it’ out, I’m going to take more of an existentialist approach. I’m in it for me now. It’s all about me. Focus on the individual I say. So lately I’ve been doing the things that I enjoy and find emotionally fulfilling. Back to the basics, writing, reading, FIFAing, and the gym…These are the things I’m going to continue to do out of satisfaction for the individual. Is it bad that I’ve almost already forgotten about you?

Note: “you” in this case is a much more general sense than the reader may be thinking. I promise all readers that “you” in this case does not regard a single individual.

I Just Don't Care Anymore

2005-04-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

THIS BLOG IS FOR PEOPLE TO SEE HOW GREAT I AM!

You're so last minute...

2005-02-13T18:58:00.000-08:00

I would write something in this thing if my life wasn't completely boring. It's a good thing I'm so fucking witty in real life.

This feeling of numbness within my blue-grey ~~cell~~ hell is almost comforting.

Oh, and last night at poker I decided I'm going to marry a scientist.

2005-01-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

whaaa!?!

White House officials said today that they were still on track to fulfill Mr. Bush's campaign promise of cutting the budget deficit in half by 2009.

But the administration is already well behind on its goal. The White House predicted last summer that the budget deficit would decline in 2005 and continue to sink after that.

The new estimate calls for the budget to climb slightly, and a new report earlier today by the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office shows that deficits will remain above $350 billion through 2009 and climb sharply after that.

The Congressional Budget Office estimated that continued costs of the war in Iraq and other aspects of the war on terrorism could add $285 billion over the next five years.

The congressional agency also noted deficits would climb much more sharply in the subsequent five years. Extending Mr. Bush's tax cuts would cost $1.8 trillion over the next 10 years. Preventing an expansion of the alternative minimum tax, a parallel tax that was designed to prevent wealthy people from taking advantage of loopholes, would cost about $500 billion.

Playlist

2005-01-23T17:31:00.000-08:00

I am currently engaged in the following works:

"Losers, The Road to Everyplace but the White House"
by: Michael Lewis
Thanks, mom and dad.

"Wise Words and Country Ways"
by: Ruth Binney
Thanks, Kayners.

"The World According to Mister Rogers"
by: Fred Rogers
Thanks, KT.

"The Substance of Style: How the Rise of Aesthetic Value is Remaking Commerce, Culture & Consciousness"
by: Virginia Postrel
Thanks, mom and dad.

"blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking"
by: Malcolm Gladwell
Thanks, me.

Multitask that, bitch.

2005-01-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

This is by far one of the coolest stories I've read in a long time.

Read the interview with the sculptor as well-- it's very intriguing.

/thanks fark

2005-01-21T15:40:00.000-08:00

The physical friction of everyday life—the time it took Isaac Newton to travel by coach from London to Cambridge, the dead spots of walking to work (no iPod), the darkness that kept us from reading—has disappeared, making every minute not used productively into an opportunity cost.

ESTHER DYSON
Editor of Release 1.0; Trustee, Long Now Foundation; Author, Release 2.0

As technology increases, so does our dependance on it. 'The things you own, end up owning you'. This is definitely an interesting concept; since my cohorts seem to be discussing efficiency, I figured I could throw in my two cents.

I spent the night entirely alone in the physical sense, but at any given time I had two or three electrical devices that are supposed to help me work more efficiently. All of these devices conveniently kept me in contact with other humans so that was nice. I stopped by starbucks to finish up some writing that I've been doing (gasp! away from the blog). My laptop (read: large PDA) rode shotgun for addresses, my phone came along for comfort, and my iPod rolled deep for artistic/aesthetic gratification. Imagine my surprise when I didn't get all my writing done...emails, text messages, inspirational song shuffling all kept me from my intended goal.

I'm increasingly mobile, yet bogged down by the devices that are allegedly freeing me. It's really quite a paradox. We had black(crack)berries over the summer that served as both a leash and an opened gate. It was nice to get away, but we could never get too far. They were invaluable for certain tasks, quick fixes to documents and such; they were totally killers in long meetings and such. Trust me, brickbreaker is much more fun than listening to Sergio lecture on valuation techniques. It's often found that people spend so much time on their blackberries that they completely miss the topic of the meeting. The epidemic has become so bad that some firms are taking crackberry privileges away in meetings, but breaking for 10-minute email breaks. Blackberry is the new cigarette. How chic.

If I don't stop dropping 'Fight Club' lines and theory into this thing, I'm going to start worrying myself.

America Remains Engaged.

2005-01-20T16:50:00.000-08:00

Some of my favorite moments from Dubya's inauguration, I just don’t understand how anyone can believe the crap he’s trying to feed us! How can he preach “expansion of freedom” when our own personal freedoms are being removed daily? This is so fucking absurd.

The best hope for peace in our world is the expansion of freedom in all the world.

America's vital interests and our deepest beliefs are now one. From the day of our founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights and dignity and matchless value, because they bear the image of the maker of heaven and Earth.

This one is good too…

America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling. Our goal, instead, is to help others find their own voice, attain their own freedom and make their own way.

But wait a second? Bush had just said this:

So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.

How can he contradict himself within the same speech? Most despots and tyrants don’t want to give up power (hence Bush’s re-election) but apparently we’re going to seek change anyway.

Now I’m not saying I’m against democracy and freedom, I’m all for it, I’m a big supporter of globalization and laissez-faire capitalism. Bush’s speech seems like he’s setting the groundwork to start a few more wars though, and it scares me.

I’m also sick of the news media sucking Rumsfeld and Rice’s ankles, liberal bias my ass.

Don't Think.

2005-01-18T14:11:00.000-08:00

Malcolm Gladwell is at it again, he has a new book out called “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking.” I haven’t had the chance to read it yet, but I’m definitely looking forward to it.

Gladwell’s first book, The Tipping Point, is hugely popular and his works in The New Yorker are usually crisp and interesting. It should be a quick read at 277 pages, and will surely provide some insight on life/the mind that you probably haven’t previously considered.

Here’s the NY Times review: Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking

Edit...

Gladwell will be in Phx promoting his book and giving a short discussion. The date and time is listed below:

Monday, January 24, 2005
Changing Hands Bookstore
6428 South McClintock Drive Tempe Arizona
7:00

Anyone interested?

Finally A Post Worth Posting

2005-01-14T03:43:00.000-08:00
Someday, I would like to be asked for some form of input by Edge. You see, the edge foundation gathers some of the most "interesting" minds in the world to "promote inquiry into and discussion of intellectual, philosophical, artistic, and literary issues".

I don't know if anyone finds my writing particularly interesting or intelligent; I do know that I plan to do my best to live by the mandate of Edge, and eventually perhaps I will be honored as a contributor.

Annually, the Edge Foundation asks "The World Question." The world question is intended (as far as I can tell) to be a major thought provoking question for the diverse membership of Edge. 2005's Annual question is as follows:

What do you believe is true, even though you can't prove it?

Now, I implore you to think about the question and post an answer. To see the Edge's 2005 contributors clicky here and scroll down. To see a list of previous questions and responses clicky here.

I've posted a link to Edge before, as I am an avid follower. I feel it would be a shame not to introduce my friends to this wonderful wealth of knowledge. I apologize if you find the repeat too unbearable.

Cheers.

2005-01-14T01:42:00.000-08:00
Maher sent me a text message at about 2:30am:

"After reading your post, I finally conclude you are not so much eccentric, but weird"

To which I responded:

"I heart you"

2005-01-13T04:09:00.000-08:00
This morning I deleted all of the chat/IM protocols on my laptop. Later, I plan to do the same on my desktop in the living room. Hopefully this will allow me to stay effective and efficient on both machines, instant messaging definitely was detrimental to both goals.

I will inevitably reinstall these applications eventually, so until then I suppose the other 323,432,532 means of communication will have to be utilized. If IMing was your only means of communication with me, I apologize…I’ll be back someday.

I can be emailed at

aaron.payne
at
gmail.com

2005-01-10T04:45:00.000-08:00
Recent events have caused me to re-think the direction of this “blog”. Instead of taking it in the direction of ultra-customizable, completely unique website, I’ve reverted to pure black and white. The idea is this: my writing will catch your attention, but nothing will divert your attention from the writing. Please remember this is about my writing, this website is completely utilitarian, and this is not a democracy. I do not need your comments [although they are greatly appreciated]. Feel free to disagree with or disregard anything I say, but do not expect to invoke much emotion.

This personal space is not propaganda, read what I have to say, evaluate it and make rational or irrational decisions based on what I’ve said. Read what I say and let it pass harmlessly through your head- its your prerogative. I am not trying to make the world happen here.

Those of you who value and enjoy what I write, thanks for stopping by. Hopefully you’ll be back, for those of you who aren’t impressed; maybe next time I’ll have a nice bright flash intro. Just hold your breath.

The Problem With Insomnia...

2005-01-10T04:30:00.000-08:00
Sergio, or Matt, or whatever his name is, is in front of the room describing differences in valuation methods…Discounted cash flows, NPVs, and “multiples” galore. As in many other courses, my mind starts to wander. Unlike any other classroom I’ve been in, I’m on the 31st floor.

From the floor to ceiling windows to my right I can see the Statue of Liberty: I am in Manhattan. The past 48 hours have almost completely been a blur; the past 24 have completely been a blur. 48 hours ago I was in Phoenix, 24 hours ago I was in Palo Alto, CA, today I’m in Manhattan. I haven’t been to New York, but I feel like I already know the city. The skyline that has long been a façade is eerily real. I am currently in the façade—I’m a spec in a window. We’re in the largest building around, I can see the financial district and I can see the Chrysler building.

The pictures of this town don’t do justice. It smells here, and it appears to always be trash day, but damn, that statue is really green. North, South, East, and West are merged into one meta-direction, lost in the huge glass and steel structures. Wall Street is incredible, we hit the sidewalks pretty late at night, but I would imagine the streets are similarly dark at 9am—these buildings eclipse anything around.

I checked into my hotel last night, I’m in this classroom this morning…from my hotel window I can see the world financial district; I can see the footprints of the World Trade Center. Its not that I can see where the WTC would have stood, from this close the absence from the skyline would not even have been noticeable, I can literally see the footprints, the building next to my window was damaged, I can see the construction, it obstructs my morning walk to the office. This makes the visit even more eerie, but it is a bright summer day and I don’t have time to stop and gawk—I’ve got to be in the office at 9am and I’ve never once navigated these streets.

Its Friday, I don’t even notice the Statue of Liberty anymore. Fuck, it might even be cloudy-- I’m hung over. The guys from Chicago are sitting near me; we’re goofing off again. They are frickin’ hilarious, and the past four days have been some of the most memorable days of my life, excluding the trip back that I would eventually take in a few weeks. None of us really know what a “banker” is, but we’re all in love with the concept. Tonight we go to our last dinner and open bar and then we make our ways back to our respective caves-- Sunny Palo Alto for me, the 71st(I think) floor of the Sears Tower for them. For now we have New York, Grey Goose and innocence.

By Saturday I’m back in Palo Alto, I’ve lived with Ming for a week and seen him once, I’ve lived here a week and slept in my bed only once. I suppose this is a precursor for what is to come. No time to unpack today, Chang’s for dinner and bed, I’ll put off until tomorrow what I can do today.

I’m in the office at 7am on Monday morning; I guess there’s a meeting with New York. When was the last time I slept? When can I sleep again? I’ll be in the office until 2am in the morning. That quip about “sunny palo alto,” I’ll be lucky if I get to see the sun on Sundays. From the window the lush campus, pond and stream look nice, though…

2005-01-06T16:28:00.000-08:00
Aaron Payne
05:23:32PM
regretting your decision yet?
maher and i are going to eat at the food court

boondockbabe4034
05:25:45PM
nope

Aaron Payne
05:25:46PM
and laugh and giggle

boondockbabe4034
05:25:53PM
not regretting it at all

Aaron Payne
05:25:57PM
and maybe even stop at starbucks- my treat

boondockbabe4034
05:26:06PM
maybe you should come get me

Aaron Payne
05:26:23PM
maybe you should be a diplomat and meet us?

boondockbabe4034
05:27:24PM
nope

Aaron Payne
05:27:34PM
ok, france

boondockbabe4034
05:27:38PM
hahaahaha

2005-01-02T21:47:00.000-08:00
bahahah:

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Stop refreshing this page until I get the answer I want.

Get your resolution here

Fortune

2005-01-02T18:06:00.000-08:00

You are a source of wisdom and strength to those around you.

holler!

Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction...

2004-12-23T06:43:00.000-08:00
First, I’d like to thank whoever left the comment on Monday’s post. It is a wonderful supplement to my thought process and some very insightful reading. I’ve thought about what you wrote and I’d like to just make some progress on this thought process we’ve started.

“Hold up! These poor decisions, were the best Decisions? He went on to explain, that each of us makes a decision based on all the information that was available at the time. And that given all that information, we would in fact make the best decision for ourselves. For nobody would make a decision that was not advantagous to them, at least any "average" person in our society.”

This is a very common thought process in any philosophical theory of knowledge; unfortunately it is too idealistic to stand up to practical use. In A Discourse on Method René Descartes wrote the following: “To be possessed of a vigorous mind is not enough; the prime requisite is rightly to apply it. “ It sounds good on paper that we make decisions based on all information available to us, unfortunately, we do not practice in real life. It could be argued that a rational being would inherently consider all available information before making a decision, but there are entire factions of philosophical thinkers who would argue that humans are not even rational beings. Certainly no one would argue that humans are rational all of the time. Information is routinely neglected, ignored, and/or overlooked in even critical decisions. Don’t take this as my usual knock on the Bush administration, but take, for instance, the decision to invade Iraq. Hindsight has proven that available information was overlooked (or hidden) that may or may not have weakened the case against Saddam. It would be impractical and infeasible for any group to gather all available information before going to war.

In most cases, philosophical thought points to a hypothetical “all knowing being” that can somehow gather information on a macro level to make decisions. The all-knower is a completely rational being that would never make a mistake in judgment. But let’s think about this all-knowing being. Even with all information available, is it possible to err in judgment? At first I thought, “Yes, it would be possible to err in judgment. What if emotions come in to play? Could I objectively make a decision if it didn’t side with my emotions? Can I ever be truly objective?” At first it would seem to be a strong argument, but then I thought about it more. I suppose if I was all knowing, I would take into account how my emotions could affect my decision and ensure that I altered the decision based on this information. Okay, I’ll give you this: If I were all knowing (or had all available information at the time) I would not make mistakes and I would be 100% objective in my decisions.

Let’s take a real life example of decision making (in a hypothetical sense of course). Everyday that I step outside my apartment, a falling meteorite could kill me, this is a risk that I know is out there, albeit rare. Everyday do I log onto nasa.gov or any type of astronomy service to check for the threat of debris falling from the sky (I saw it on the West Wing, there are agencies that monitor this stuff)? Do I check the news to ensure that there have been no meteorite strikes in the valley that particular morning? Of course not! You’d all think I was insane, right? Of course, if tomorrow the news warns of impending doom from above (but not quite serious enough to pierce the roof of my apartment) and I was killed, did I make a bad decision? I would say so, information was available to me that I didn’t utilize, and my decision resulted in my death (also, I have some shitty luck).

Luckily, we aren’t simply computer programs. We have free thought, and we can manipulate the information we have in our decision making process. If the “all knowing” principle held true, there would be no debate: I would weigh the information and make the right choice—I guess in that case, making the wrong choice wouldn’t be all that bad—you know what I mean?

I wish that I could provide a real life example of stirring it up, but it seems I will share the same fate as you, at least for now. I start the corporate job in about a month, and soon I too will be going through the motions. It may be that I won’t be able to stir it up until I have that sailboat and stack of books that I long for. Or perhaps, there’s just a bigger sailboat and a longer book waiting for me? Maybe the great philosopher Tyler Durden was right when he said: “it's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.” The sailboat is just a red herring.

Hopefully someday (soon?) I’ll be able to take a proactive step toward self-realization, and it won’t be so late in life that I wont have time to enjoy it. Until then, thank you for helping open the above channels of intellectual discourse.

Cocoa Puffs?

2004-12-22T05:19:00.000-08:00

A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masterbating, and I'd sort of feel the same way about playing John Madden Football immediately after filing my income tax: It's fun, but-somehow-vaguely pathetic.

2004-12-20T05:39:00.000-08:00
I haven't updated recently because I really haven't had much to say. It probably doesn’t help that my sleep schedule is absolutely bonkers. It’s 7:02am and here I am, awake. I’m most likely in shock, I’m currently facing change in my life unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Transitions from grade to middle, middle to high, and high school to college have all included their unique attributes but also had the common foundation of school. For the first time ever I’m wandering away from my “fur-lined rut” of school and into some exciting new ventures. Thank god I have somewhere to wander.

Notice I didn’t use the word “education.” I’m looking forward to learning from peers and utilizing the immense amount of resources at the Chip Company, and most likely gaining invaluable business expertise that will assist in future endeavors for years to come.

Notice I did use the word “wander”. The definition of the word “wander” includes phrases such as: “lose clarity or turn aside” and “move about aimlessly”. Over the past few days I’ve been reflecting on my life and the decisions I’ve made that have led to this point (along with A LOT of Ghost Recon 2 and movies over at LB & Chris’) I think it’s healthy to sit here and think about the chain of events that have led to today, It’s also healthy to question “what if”. Perhaps, if given the opportunity to replay part of my college “career”, I would have made different decisions. By no means am I regretting the decisions I’ve made (there are possibly 3 or 4), but reflection helps us learn (not from mistakes, but how to make the best decision). I guess it’s sort of like a multiple choice test question. Reflections on the past, guesses about the future, and indifference regarding the present have helped create a haze, thus leading to a loss of clarity.

Congratulations group, I’ve just dragged you through the thought process that led to my decision to use the word “wander”. It’s funny; I often hear that I think too much about things. If life weren’t complicated it wouldn’t be any fun.

Regarding the future—I think I’m going to stir up the mix again…I’m really interested in teaching English in Vietnam. Vietnam is beautiful and American teachers are incredible valuable abroad. The most important factor, after all this is not a business venture, the opportunity would most likely be the most incredible, enlightening experiences ever. Mom, Dad, don’t worry, I wouldn’t plan on doing this for a few years (I’ll wait for the corporate world to suck the life out of me—and my options to vest). Finally, one of the major religions in Vietnam is Buddhism, hopefully I’d finally find the time to convert.

Really, that’s all that has been on my mind lately, convince me to update with something worthwhile and I certainly will.

ap

2004-12-13T04:21:00.000-08:00
If you want me to love you forever, please buy me something from my Christmas/Graduation wish list

I figure now that school is going to be out of the way, I'll have some time to catch up on my true passion: the pursuit of knowledge.

I heart you

2004-12-12T13:24:00.000-08:00
Pimp Maher's website for some more vegas pics.

This one is my favorite:

I love you, gang.

I Hate You Cool Blue...

2004-12-09T18:19:00.000-08:00
Cool Blue, you are a bastard of an M&M. My hatred for your soul burns deep within mine. You are not cooler than the other M&M's, and frankly, your color is really lame. Why don't you go try on a dress with that green M&M?

Red and Yellow, and even shit brown will own you forever.

I hate you Cool Blue.

2004-12-06T01:38:00.000-08:00
One of the definitions of Las Vegas in Urban Dictionary is:

A place where even the hookers know how to spell potato.

Yo, after we finish this job let's go get some mashed potatoes.

It's not really relevant in the post, other than Myself, a select few others, and a glob of AKPsiers just got back from Vegas. The weekend was crazy, and the stories are hazy, but all-in-all it was a good time.

I was able to spend most of my time with "the four"; Peter (pedro), Todd (ace), Chris (hot sauce, sizzle, angry beard, et al), and Myself (payne). Below is a shot of three of us in action (peter unfortunately was taking the picture), as well as some fallen troops and wounded soldiers:

Ace, Payne, Sizzle

A bunch of highlights from the trip definitely stand out:

Drinking with Todd at Ceaser's after ditching everyone

the "incident"

Boardwalk with TF

In-and-Out, laughing over the "incident"

laughing at chris puking at the hoover dam

"Remembering" all of this while looking at pedro's picture page

sneaking 40's into the FORMAL dance, getting kicked out, finishing the 40's outside

I'll post more as I'm reminded or whatnot.

2004-12-03T11:04:00.000-08:00
Here's to saying goodbye to friends.
Graduation and good times coming to an end.

In a few short hours I will be in Las Vegas, drinking massive quantities of Jack and Cokes and hopefully not getting arrested.

Today's low is going to be about 34 degrees, but my guess is that I won't be able to feel my extremities.

Now I've just got to cut through some red tape at work. This is going to be the longest meeting of my life.

Why The NY Times Owns CNN

2004-12-01T14:34:00.000-08:00
Two distinctly different headlines regarding the same story regarding US troops in Iraq:

CNN.com:
"US sending 1,500 more troops before Iraq vote"

NYTimes.com
"U.S. to increase US troop strength by 12,000"

So naturally I questioned, "Well, which is it?" I mean it is a deviation of 10,500 people, that’s pretty significant in my book. After reading both stories I realized that the U.S. is indeed sending 1,500 more troops to Iraq but is also extending the service contracts of 10,400 troops currently serving in Iraq. CNN elected not to tell me until the fourth paragraph of the article. Interesting. Also, CNN elected not to include the entire 25th Infantry when disclosing which division’s contracts would be extended, all 4400 of them.

It's not that I'm arguing conservative/liberal bias or anything here, I'm arguing terrible news bias, and CNN is obviously showing it.

Also noteworthy but completely off-topic [well, sort of], the November 6th issue of The Economist has the following title: "Now, Unite Us". Interesting how close it is to "Now, Untie Us". Food for thought.

2004-12-01T14:25:00.000-08:00
I neeeed to write. I have all this great stuff to say.

dammit.

2004-11-26T18:17:00.000-08:00
Received an offer from the chip company. yay
Second round with the consulting firm on monday.

Thanksgiving was quiet and very enjoyable. Other than 20Q my parents were playing with me all weekend. The food was awesome and I was definitely looking forward to the home cookin'. Dad and I bonded while car shopping.

Speaking of car shopping, test drove some cars today in Tucson. This was my favorite:

It's pretty friggin' fast, fun to drive, and sounds pretty.

Peter's Update

2004-11-22T13:04:00.000-08:00
*****Update*****

I interviewed with Intel on Thurs/Friday, went well.
Visited the fam on Friday night- saw javalinas
My parents visited on Sunday, I had to hide a lady-friend from them. They just kind of showed up without calling and I had to enact evasive maneuvers. Of course my mom knew and asked me about it as soon as i got to lunch-- go figure.

I have a case interview tomorrow and I really have no idea how to prepare for if, so if anyone has any pointers please feel to add them in comments.

Congress is seriously pissing me off, I had an eloquently worded post with lots of links and then firefox froze-- Your loss.

"I have some friends, some that I hardly know...We've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world"

Holla If You Hear Me...

2004-11-16T01:55:00.000-08:00

This post is in honor of Jenny Barna, 2pac, Manzanita, and all the other great things in life. Jenny, the lack of 2pac in my blog was blatant and completely disrespectful. I hope you can forgive my erroneous ways and we can forge into the future.

-R.I.P. Pac

2004-11-15T02:43:00.000-08:00
From Jill's book "Assult on the Left: The FBI and the Sixties Antiwar Movement" for her "History of Vietnam" class:

"They are half way citizens who are neither morally, mentally, or emotionally mature"
Director John Edgar Hoover

furthermore:

The Old Left was considered by the New left to be out of date and out of step with the new student-based political radicalism of the sixties. The working class, the traditional vanguard for change within the Old Left political philosophy, was seen as simply not up to the task of fostering radical changes in the sixties. The New Left was in large measure a generational rebellion, a rebellion of the young."

"We have no sure formulas, no closed theatre- but that does not mean that values are beyond discussion...If we are correct in believing that the social order is systematically-not just occasionally- unjust, then we should be able to illustrate our belief by systematically pointing to the faults of American life."

For some reason this struck me as interesting. It may be the fact that it is 4:04am and I'm in the computing commons, or it may be the fact that I see similar similarities to a) parties in authority and b) the need for a new political approach finally c) the hardcore [ignorant?] Bush supporter sitting directly behind me.

Either way, it is past 4am, I have a test to study for, and I really have no idea who Jill is.

/in dedication to peter.

2004-11-08T05:02:00.000-08:00

4 more years America

If you voted for Bush, didn't vote, or voted no on gay marriage, I hope you get drafted.
I hope they stick you in my unit, and you go with me to Iraq when my unit goes back in September. I will laugh when you see what soldiers in that country face on a daily basis. I hope you work with gay soldiers too. I did. One of them saved my life. Think he shouldn't have the right to get married? Fuck you. He fought just as hard as I did and on most days, did his job better than me. Don't tell me gays don't have the same rights you do.
Think the war in Iraq is a good thing? I'll donate my M-16 to you and you can go in my place.

Think about what the soldier in the above post writes. It’s a little extreme, yes, but he poses valid points. I’ve often argued how much I hate extremist views, a la Rove, Coulter, Moore, Franken. So there are obviously some inherent flaws with the above statement—let me express my feelings.

It seriously scares me that the country I am proud to be a member of is regressing as opposed to progressing. This “morality” movement is absolute garbage and is seriously likening our country to extremist states such as Iran. Look at the polarization red/blue states; look at who is voting for whom and look at the issues that people are voting on. This election wasn’t about economic policy, fiscal sanity, welfare, medicare, outsourcing or any of the other factors mentioned in the absurdly dirty campaign. This election was about a group of people afraid of change, and unfortunately, a smaller group trying to promote it. The basic foundations of our society were lost in the election, due to fear, ignorance, or straight-up oppression.

The part that hit me about the above post was about gays fighting in the military. Freedom isn’t free, I agree, but gays in the military are not fighting for freedom, they are not protecting freedom. How could they possibly be? They aren’t even free in our own society. It is morally detestable to prevent the rights of a group of individuals on the basis of “religious sanctity” or whatever the bible busters are saying. Allowing gays to marry is not going to corrupt or pervert your society; your society is already corrupt.

It doesn’t bother me that Bush was elected, it bothers me that you voted a homophobic fascist into office. It bothers me that you voted more of his kind into the house, senate, and soon Supreme Court. It bothers me that under the cloak of “democracy” you let these people steal your country because you are a pussy. It bothers me that the decisions made recently will most likely have a far reaching aftermath more detrimental to the progress of society than you or I have ever seen.

I don’t want to see you get drafted. I want you to stick around so you can see how you fucked the 49% of us. How you robbed the freedom of individuals just as worthy of you in eleven states. How eerily the next few years will be to the civil rights movement, and how much you didn’t learn. I’m also sick of people telling me not to “bitch” about Bush winning. Fuck you. This country was founded on a revolution; every significant progress made in this country was due to a revolution in some form or another. This post is my revolution.

Finally, you fucking idiots that voted for bush on terrorism issues and security fears, look at this, your ignorance on so many levels scares me:

A recent survey by the Program on International Policy Attitudes at the University of Maryland found that nearly 70 percent of President Bush's supporters believe the U.S. has come up with "clear evidence" that Saddam Hussein was working closely with Al Qaeda. A third of the president's supporters believe weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq. And more than a third believe that a substantial majority of world opinion supported the U.S.-led invasion.

source on soldier

source on survey

Bordeaux

2004-11-06T04:10:00.000-08:00
I wish I knew what happened
But I don’t
I wish I knew how to make it better
But I don’t
I wish you’d stop making a big deal out of tonight
But you won’t
Actions speak louder than words
I don’t know how else to act

I don’t know why I feel this way
But I do
I wish I could walk away
But I won’t
If I could explain how everything has changed, I would
But I can’t

Lets make things better?
But you won’t
I’d give up
But I can’t

This pretty much sums it up:

2004-11-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

You lied last time

courtesy of the NY Times.

Fuck you, Bush.

2004-11-03T01:40:00.000-08:00
Aaron
02:39:11AM
i'm ok with london
kwzΩ12Q¸˛4edd56tgvb bv7yuhjn, ,m9?
?'.;lkijuhgtfdaZgv bnm,//
}"?

Chris
02:39:47AM
yeah, that didnt really go through well

Aaron
02:40:00AM
.sorry. i was cleaning my keyboard

Chris
02:40:08AM
hahahaha

2004-10-28T02:33:00.000-07:00
does anyone read this thing?

EDIT: I just realized anonymous comments weren’t allowed previously. (Thanks clvnhbbs413) I’ve now allowed all comments and would encourage your participation in my blog.

Thanks,

-Mgt

2004-10-27T23:11:00.000-07:00
In the next couple of weeks I'm going to try and close the doors to my mind. I've always prided myself on telling people my true feelings, and being completely open- but I’m not satisfied with where that’s leading me.

I need some time to just think about things. It would be similar to a midpoint evaluation of my life, so to speak. I don’t really like the way things have been turning out lately, mostly because of my decisions. This should be easy, easier than writing this post. For some reason I’ve struggled, I think it may be the 799 IM conversations I’m involved in

Also, I’m reading my book on eastern philosophy—I’m going to get serious about this Buddhist thing.

2004-10-27T13:10:00.000-07:00
You know you live in Arizona when a fuckin' scorpion stings a guy in a cube next to you...No joke, bark scorpion crawled up his leg and stung him.

Now you know why I've got my feet up on the desk.

/I'm moving to california.

2004-10-25T21:31:00.000-07:00
NASSIM NICHOLAS TALEB is smarter than you. I'm sorry, but it's true. NNT's Current Focus: The epistemic arrogance of the human race and Motto: "My major current hobby is teasing people who take themselves & the quality of their knowledge too seriously & those who don’t have the guts to sometimes say: I don’t know...."

This article was written by Taleb on April 8, 2004 for the New York Times. His subject matter? "Black Swans". Taleb focuses a lot of his work on statistical outliers, and in this case is relating the black swan to September 11, 2001, as well as the "flawed mandate" of the 9/11 commission. If anything, it's an interesting macro perspective on our society.

Oh yeah, I should also note that Taleb founded a risk-management/trading firm and has made numerous fortunes speculating on statistical anomalies.

A Huuuge Friggin Guuuuy

2004-10-25T19:25:00.000-07:00
You know that one scene in The Boondock Saints when Willem Dafoe makes fun of the idiot detective by mocking his "huge frickin guy" theory?

A Huuuuuge Friggin Guuuuy, you know, in that whiney, nasally voice? Yeah, the guy in class presenting right now sounds like him. Its annoying, and he's been talking way too long. Futhermore, I wish he'd stop talking to the projection screen, and start talking to us.

Sleep... Oh! how I loathe those little slices of death.

2004-10-24T05:10:00.000-07:00
I found the following interesting article written by Thomas L. Friedman regarding the Iraqi people’s perception of the US occupation, and really the faction created between the Muslim and Christian/Jewish world.

Friedman is the New York Times’ foreign-affairs columnist, and has been with the Times since 1981. You may have heard me rant about his book “The Lexus and the Olive Tree”, which is by far one of my favorite books ever. Mr. Friedman received a B.A. degree in Mediterranean studies from Brandeis University in 1975. In 1978 he received a Master of Philosophy degree in Modern Middle East studies from Oxford. The guy is pretty knowledgeable about the subject at hand, so take a gander and see what you think.

By the way, the site requires a login, but it’s the fucking New York Times—if you don’t already have about six logins, use this article as an excuse for creating one. Also use this chance to come out from under the rock you were living under and take a proactive approach to educating yourself.

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Jews, Israel, and America

georgia on my mind

2004-10-24T04:00:00.000-07:00
as much as it may not seem like it, i do care.
i dont know how else to act, or what else to say, but i do know i cant do this on my own.
i need you halfway on this one.

late night hype

2004-10-23T03:36:00.000-07:00
AY: "the ball is in her court"

AP: "the ball got kicked by the neighborhood bully, over the fence, and is now being run over by a bus."

2004-10-23T01:49:00.000-07:00
Again, please trackback to brandon's LJ for critical contextual information.

mo·not·o·ny n
1. boredom or dullness arising from the fact that nothing different ever happens
2. repetitiousness or lack of variation in pitch or tone, especially in relation to music or speech

First, the word is spontaneity, not “nonontonousness”, christ man. “I feel like I'm step two out of ten and some hoodlum is holding a bottle in front of my face. Things have to get better right? With that stated, I find solace in our conversations.” Brandon and I have been saying this for years, in high school it was “I can’t wait until college, these idiots couldn’t possibly be considering higher education”, and then when ASU and ULM rolled around, it was “these rich kids are going to burn out by sophomore year, right? Their parents couldn’t possibly subsidize their existence forever, could they?” Its not that we’re elitist, although it may sound that way, its just that very few people understand what we’re saying. think globally, not locally or something like that.

”After graduating from the Payne school of ‘how to be an ass and not care about it’, I enjoy taking shots at those that I care about most.” I’m starting to question the fundamental principles of the school, apparently the truth is just becoming too much to bear for most people. Regarding the Wells situation, I’ve noticed similar traits in some of my more recent interactions. There was absolute fear of addressing real issues, and absolute avoidance of the issues. It is because I enjoy making people feel nervous. Someone said to me today: “I think you are wonderful, but you are the biggest pain in the ass”—it seems fitting here. One of my more intriguing teachers (from pima, no less) used to make references to someone’s “fur-lined rut”, Brandon, I believe you call it “pulling the trigger”, we’ll let readership decide which is more eloquent. I see this fear of change, adaptation, or fear of “leaving the rut” all around me, and it’s depressing. I question whether or not I’ve become what I fear, and I question myself daily—in hopes of avoiding the monotony I’m exposed to constantly.

You should pick up sailing, its both respectable and interesting. Plus, someone’s going to have to navigate the boat down to the Caribbean; I’m too busy convincing most of the women in my life not to kill me, I don’t have time to learn to sail.

I’ll let you know the events preceding this early morning that led to this post. This pen is my therapy, hopefully the world can learn from my struggle.

for context

2004-10-23T01:46:00.000-07:00
To Bdon
Re: "I want to go camping"
[edited for my saftey]

two words from your post caught my attention: monotonous adventures After a few days of chewing and digesting here's what I've got.

I'm bored man. Seriously, the game has gotten too mundane, too easy, yet still so fucking complicated. Its 3:09am and I'm sitting here surfing the net: google news, nytimes, reuters, ukazu, friends' blogs, cnn.com... It's the same thing everyday. I'm getting to the point where I'm looking forward to the next time some overrated politician is going to spew some lies out of his mouth--truly pathetic. Remember back in the day when we'd sit on the phone disassembling and assembling the psyches of peers for hours? Its like a job now- no fun, we need some more deadweights, goats, llamas, and goat ranches. I need something, anything to stimulate my mind.

Trying to drum up a decent conversation around here has been like pulling teeth, I don’t remember the last time I was blown away by anything anyone said [actually, I think I mentioned a conversation with the "new" girl that was interesting, other than that-nada]. I need to get the hell out of my (or this) element. You have no idea how much I would love for someone to say something at least remotely interesting. I haven't really had much of anything interesting to read either, with the sparse distribution of my investment banker friends' and your posts. Even when it is interesting, I feel like I'm pulling it along, driving the conversation-- afterwards I often feel fatigued. I hope you're not running into the same problems out there, but my guess is yes- I'm starting to think its fate.

I'm posting this as an entry later; maybe I should have thought this out thoroughly. Whatever, it has never stopped me in the past.

Camping was great, in the whole drink alcohol and make out sort of way- but in the morning are we really any better off? It was fun the next week at school when they guys were making Xxxxxxx turn red and Xxx was making comments like "oh, were we too loud? sorry." The novelty wears off very quickly, and then it just becomes "what are you doing this week? Schedule’s packed till Thursday. lets do something Saturday" And yes, even the slight suggestion of cuddling under a comforter made even the symptoms of the bubonic plague seem manageable. Not surprisingly, the clean air and trees of northern arizona were calming and therapeutic, in the end a great idea.

Oh man, I have another good, albeit irrelevant, story of a chick sitting next to me laughing at my jokes, I think I told you this, but your readers get it now too. There's about 6 people sitting in a Finance class, about 20 minutes before the start- I'm there, tweaking some shit on my laptop or something or other, I don't remember. It's an international finance class and we all have some sort of presentation about a foreign country, topped off with cultural snacks for extra credit- if we chose to bring them in. Here's how it went:

random dude: "what kind of treats do they eat in Iran?"
middle eastern looking dude: "i dont know, i'm doing saudi arabia"
random dude: "i need it for my report next week"
girl number 1: "i really dont know what kind of treats they eat in Iran"
me [without so much as a break from my laptop]: "tortured infant"
girl number 2: laughter, and that look of 'oh god, I cant believe I'm laughing at this, I'm a horrible person'

You people should all be so blessed to have me in your life.

I’d like to see this “new leaf” you mentioned, I’m doing my part by reading/engaging the author. The ball is now in your court, don’t let it drop and bounce off your feet. We don’t call you hands for nothing.

-AP

test

2004-10-16T20:42:00.000-07:00
test 1. westside